Can’t stop laughing…

must stop laughing or I’m going to die of asphyxiation

This clip is so full of hilarity. The setting is total non sequitur in the first place, then with the guy screaming like a girl and doing the “I’m so scared” hand gestures, it surpasses words. The “recovery” at the end really caps it off.

Yakety Sax and fast motion make everything funny

like…

liposuction surgery!

or global warming!

or even Horror movies!

I thought about doing the 9/11 plane crashes with it, but after re-watching the videos, it’s just not funny.

BUT, what is funny is car crashes! and Michael Jackson music videos! and “cool” skiing videos!

Most unwanted song, where have you been?

This song is so awesome. It reminds me of the Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer skits on SNL where they sang topical songs in the style of popular music to captive audiences at compulsory meetings. Lyrics are available here. I’d just to highlight a few things about this song that intrigue me.

a) It sounds almost like Danielson could’ve done it. I like Danielson.

b) This could be a very good parody song. I mean it’s got rapping, tuba in a polka bass line, lots of exclamation points, cowboys, wal-mart, yelling, interludes, crazy tempo changes, and it’s a third of an hour long! They had to have tried really hard to make it this good. Cue flute solo!

c) Bad beat box beats are so awesome.

d) Rapping soprano.

e) It’s like a conversation between a fixated moron and an ADHD savant. There’s a weird thread of holidays, punctuated by Ludwig Wittgenstein, patriotism, cowboys and politics.

f) Musical interludes full of whatever instruments people dislike. Out of tune. This is kind of what reminds me of Danielson.

g) Obvious brand whoring. Do all your shopping at Wal-Mart!

h) Fat beats laid down by accordians and tuba.

i) German?

j) Singing in unison.

I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did. Yahooooo-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-ooooooo!

Drinking alone

So a few weeks ago I bought a 24-pack of stella. I’ve only drunk a few of them. Due to this abundance of beer and the limited shelf-life of beer, I’ve started to drink them by myself. Does that make me an alcoholic?

Neanderthalesque emoting

I’m depressed. Fuck. I think instead of having normal emotions like sadness and the like, I just get angry. I get myself worked up. To the point of wanting to hurt myself.

Anyway, I need help.

Dance-off

In case you had not yet heard, I won a dance-off. Yes, I won a dance-off. Admittedly, it was a super lame dance-off, and I was the only one that didn’t try to actually dance and just do the same thing for the alotted time, but I won.

We were in a 3-way tie for 3rd place at trivia on Tuesday due to some dubious judging, so the way to decide the winner is a dance-off. And nobody else wanted to on our team, so after I saw the first team’s (non-)contender, I thought it would be easy to clinch it. Just do some stupid fake dance moves and $20 here I come. I did the moonwalk, and it was mine.

Sick of conferences

I am tired of traveling on a shoestring budget. No more 3 people to a room, no more crappy korean cars made for korean asses, no more shitty hotels.

If I never go to another conference I’ll be fine.

House rejects $700b bailout plan, taxpayers nearing retirement or in retirement lose 10% of portfolios

What a fucking mess. Now I’m down 30% on the year. Thanks, house of shitheads. You do know that you just lost the economy more than 700bn, right?

Oh yeah, I’m not voting for anybody who voted against this measure.

Sorry guys

Over the past few months (perhaps year, even), I have been neglectful of my relationships. I came to this realization on Saturday at a loud rock concert, when I went to the show while my other friends, who caringly invited me to see “Burn After Reading” with them. I had to say no, because I had already committed to the show.

So here it is, I’m sorry for being a bad friend to you guys. And here you are by name:

• Matt
• Dan
• Bobby
• Alex
• Ryann
• Becky
• Janice
• Kyle
• And anybody else I have so cruelly forgotten. If you don’t see your name here, send me an email, with subject “Hey, asshole, remember me? The one you said ‘we should hang out more’ to? (But if I don’t know you, then I am not sorry for forgetting you, or even for being a poor friend to you, because I have not known you.)

I love you guys, and I’m sorry. I will try to call you within the next two weeks. Even if I have to finish a presentation to give at SES and a paper (my first! it’s going to be total shit). And no, I’m not getting facebook, that is not a solution to this.

Calendar of events:

• Oct 12-15: SES in Urbana-Chaimpaign. Giving a presentation. Eating deep-dish pizza in Chicago.
• Oct 24: Asobi Seksu at Hi-Dive with Mary
• Nov 4-7: Matt visits, with bike in tow
• Nov 8: Danielson at Hi-Dive (I love this place, oh so very much), probably by myself
• Some time in October: “A Tapas Thanksgiving.” Just because we need a 4th Thanksgiving this year.

In other news:

• I got two albums yesterday at Twist & Shout. Both used, both in fair condition. One is an Art Tatum double album, which is the shiznit, and the other is Joe Cocker’s “With A Little Help From My Friends,” which has a warp at the edge. I’ll probably put it in a glass sandwich and try to iron it out.
• I am making another loaf of no-knead bread from the New York Times recipe. This time I’m using bread flour. Fingers crossed.
• We got a doorbell. It’s manual, and it is awesome. It is also very loud. I hope you can come ring it soon.
• One of my Bang & Olufsen speakers has a blown woofer. Hopefully I can fix it by replacing a driver.
• It is late. I should be sleeping.
• We made tomato soup tonight from ingredients in our garden. It was very good. Very sweet, as the varieties of tomatoes that we grow are sweet. I will eat it with my no-knead bread, and it will be delicious.
• Mandy is having the time of her life as an intern. By that, I mean it is hard, thankless, and she works long hours. “Time of her life” seems apt.

This seems like it has devolved into something like a christmas letter. Fuck (I just saved it with that properly-placed expletive). Ok, kids, I gotta go. And if you want something to read about, look up Mr. Rogers on MentalFloss. It will make you smile.

Free at last!

Free from them damn democrats crapping up the traffic in Denver. Yeah, you protestors too. Except for you, “Bring back crystal pepsi” guy. You rock. But everyone else, stay out.

Conventions. What a waste of time. Just masturbation for the attendees. “Yes! I love you speaker! You also have the same views as I do! Speak to me more about what we both agree on!”

I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for. The democrats say McCain is going to give tax cuts to corporations. So is Obama, he just phrases it differently. Obama says he can revitalize the economy. The only way he can do that is if he can boost consumer confidence, which really isn’t so easy to do. It takes a long time to turn an economy around, especially after a spend-fest like we had since the 90s. Most economists I’ve heard say the problem really started with Greenspan’s policies at the Fed. Which wasn’t just 8 years ago, guys. The democrats say they will change lending laws. Where were they when this mess was gestating? Yeah. Too little too late.

And Biden. Boy he pisses me off. McCain considered Biden a friend. And the day that he’s announced as running-mate he takes shots at McCain? Great loyalty you have there. I certainly don’t want to vote for this fair-weather friend.

The only way McCain can win the election is if he goes conservative. But the only way he’ll get my vote is if he goes left. Returns to being the uncontrollable leader he once was. Willing to do things that aren’t popular, but are right. Except for that tanker contract that got taken away from Boeing and awarded to Airbus, then rescinded and re-opened for investigation on whether or not it was correctly run. That was some shit. I’m all for controlling development costs, but that was ridiculous. Anyway, I’m Phil Kao and I approve this rambling.